Today, we’ll be making some super simple drinks that are great to take away for beach parties and/or for being homeless and desperate for alcohol. Before we start with the details, let’s just go ahead and make a quick inventory of what ingredients we have available. We’ll keep things simple and only use what we actually have in the pantry.
Which is not much, my friends. So, without further ado, I present you the ingredients:
5 Grapefruit (Grapefruits? Grapefri?)
3/4 Litres of Dark Rum
Enough sugar to deafen your misery
We’ll start off with the healthy part of this recipe. Grab your household juicer and pop the grapefruits in there. It’s advised to peel them first, although if you enjoy to add some extra bitterness to your life, go right ahead and put them in as is. While the juice is being extracted, look around and realize you don’t actually have any containers you can store your final drink in to take it down to hobo city. Alas, attentive person that you are, you suddenly remember an almost empty bottle of Mead of the sauciest variety hiding away under your bed.
Gulp back whatever was left in the bottle and put the cork on the side so you can close it back up later. Finish with the juice and take a quick swig to make sure it tastes alright. Find out its taste can only be described by the words “putrid” and “lovecraftian”
Next, we’ll need to pour enough rum to fill up the empty bottle by about 1/3 to half. Take this now half empty bottle and add the grapefruit juice until it’s not-empty. Watch as the liquids curdle and turn, in similar fashion as your stomach will once you taste this abomination. Here is where the sugar comes in and saves the day. Pour about one and a half cup into the thin bottleneck while your flatmate walks in to blankly stare at you. By the time she walks out, slowly shaking her head, you’ll have poured enough sugar to ruin your teeth forever. Get a knife to loosen some of the sugar which has now crusted up in the top part of the bottle and shake it, with the cork tightly wedged on.
You will now have an awfully looking, awfully tasting beverage to take to the beach. Enjoy sitting underneath the stars on a cardboard box while you drink your worries away and pretend not to have any places you had to go and were free to roam the world whilst not sitting on some island on the bottom of the world.